a chapter of my life has closed.

tomorrow i am leaving . there are alot of things that i am leaving behind when i go. both literally and metaphorically. when i come back, things are going to be different. because when i leave, i have decided not to leave any strings untied. this is no time to be selfish and to let the world wait on me because i have not made up my mind. when i leave, i have made the decision that i know will be the best. perhaps in the future i will regret it. but it'll have to be a regret that i will secretly harbour and eventually be lost as a distant memory.

My Philosophy by Amel Bent

Je n'ai qu'une philosophie, кtre acceptйe comme je suis Malgrй tout ce qu'on me dit, je reste le poing levй Pour le meilleur comme le pire Je suis mйtisse mais pas martyr J'avance le coeur lйger, mais toujours le poing levй Lever la tкte, tomber le torse sans cesse redoubler d'efforts La vie ne m'en laisse pas le choix Je suis l'as qui bat le roi Malgrй nos peines, no diffйrences Et toutes ces injures incessantes Moi je lиverai le poing, encore plus haut, encore plus loin { Refrain: } Viser la lune, зa me fait pas peur Mкme а l'usure, j'y crois encore et en coeur Des sacrifices, s'il le faut j'en ferai Et j'en ai dйjа fait, mais toujours le poing levй Je n'suis pas comme toutes ces filles Qu'on dйvisage, qu'on dйshabille Moi j'ai des formes et des rondeurs Зa sert а rйchauffer les coeurs Fille d'un quartier populaire J'y ai appris а кtre fiиre, Bien plus d'amour que de misиre Bien plus de coeur que de pierre Je n'ai qu'une philosophie, кtre acceptйe comme je suis Avec la force et le sourire Le poing levй vers l'avenir Lever la tкte, tomber le torse sans cesse redoubler d'efforts La vie ne m'en laisse pas le choix Je suis l'as qui bat le roi

I have only one philosophy To be accepted as I am Despite everything that one says to me I remain the raised fist For best like the worst I am mongrel but not martyrdom I advance the light heart But always the raised fist To raise the head, to bend the chest Unceasingly to redouble efforts The life does not leave me the choice of them I am the ace but not the king In spite of our sorrows, our differences And all these ceaseless insults Me I will raise the fist Still higher, even further { Refrain: } To aim at the Moon That does not frighten me Even with wear I still believe in it and in heart Sacrifices If it is needed I will make some I already made some But always the raised fist I am not like all these girls That one disfigures, that one strips Me I have forms and roundnesses That is used to heat the hearts Girl district to populair Who A learned how to be proud Much more love than of misery Much more heart than of stone I have only one philosophy To be accepted as I am With the force and the smile The fist raised towards the future To raise the head, to raise the chest Unceasingly to redouble efforts The life does not leave me the choice of them I am the ace but not the king

I'm back from Hiatus. Sorry guys that you had to wait for a while.

Many people have been asking me why haven't i updated in so long.Well the truth is that there were so many things that kept busy.it's been really crazy taking back the plunge to reality.been going out a lot,attending different events,to the point i can't quite seem to even remember.Noticed i've deleted some of my entries?well...i believe its this thing called memory. memories fade over time. and the longer time goes on, the fainter the memory. 'til one day you can not remember the person at all. however, if we humans all had perfect memories 24/7 of everything wonderful and distinct that has happened to us in love, then it will be a different matter. feelings do not just fade. they only get buried and hidden in the lost memories. thus, if one day all the memories came back to haunt us, then all the feelings will come back and we feel a deep sense of regret. time really is the only thing that heals all wounds.

wish growing up didn't mean growing apart.
so much has changed, so much is different. i look back at the days and wish time hadn't moved. there's a part of my heart missing, i've left it back with the rest of my memories. you guys are missing in my life like you wouldn't believe. i never thought i would need you as much as i do right now. i remember how i couldn't wait to get out. now i want nothing more than to go back. it always seems to work that way. everything back then seemed so intense and so complicated. but i had no idea how simple life was. it's always easy to look in retrospective and think of how great things were. it may seem obsurd at the moment, but time cannot be turned back. what i have to learn is how to be happy with today.

am a miniscule, yet important part of a great system. one that does save the day. i have people that look up to me, count on me, and expect the best of me. even those that look down on me, know they couldn't do what they do without me. i have friends that have been by my side through some of the toughest times of my life. have seen me laugh, cry, and have seen me naked more times than they like. it's been impossible to hide who we really are. and even though none of this was by choice, mabye that's what made us even closer.

funny how certain songs dat u havn't heard for  a long tym brings back memories and suddenly when ur listening to them, not only do the  memories come  tumbling back but also the feelings and emotions dat u were feelin at that tym.

No, I'm still alive.
In case you thought I've fallen off the face of the earth, I'm still here. I've been quite busy so I haven't been updating as I normally do.I'm not gonna lie i've been in up and downs situations,have been in quite a low mood,i blamed ppl for no reason.,even the little things made me gloomy,i've expected a little more from you.I was confused with my emotions,when it come to a point i didn't knew what i really want from myself,from life,from my own expectations.Everything seemed so blury.I've gone through some phases ,it's almost hard for me to get grips with it.The past months passed by so quickly.i think time doesn't only fly when you're busy,times of stress and hard work,or even having fun.you don't notice how amazingly fast the the day passes you when you are racing with time to achive your goals along the way. enough with the drama...On the bright side - or maybe not so bright, I haven't decided whether this is good or bad -cant say i am a stronger person, a better person from what i've gone through, but i've definitely gained perception...on myself, my weaknesses and my faults. they have taught me the lesson of how important it is to love yourself for who you are, before you can expect anyone else to love you. strangely enough, the heartaches and soul wrenching pain have not deterred me and rendered me cynical...if anything, i am more determined than ever .i finally realised what i need.i thought that i was complicated. that i want what i cant have. that i want something larger than life. that i am waiting...waiting...for something wondrous and great to occur in my life. i thought i wanted a life full of whoa.i still do...every foolish girl has foolish dreams...but what i've come to realise as a shock revelation is that...what i want and what i need are so so different.

I've seemed to abandoned xanga once again..in pursuit of more variety in my life.My life have turned into one big carousel ride.I guess by the time i wouldn't know what to update anymore bcoz of info overload.Life, a sitcom? It's strange how unexpected events occur in your life. Situations that you never see coming and it engulfs you while you're off guard.and you have to make a consious decision to leave a situation that leaves you unhappy,and far frm yourself,but you have to accept that there are certain amount of consequences that go with it.oh well..i made it through the army for a month can't say it's been terrible but its hasnt been all snazzy either.studyin is tough.the conditions here are different and we're expected so much.there's so much damn pressure and responsibility.so many things to do,so little time.Winding up everything, it was a mind-blowing experience for me.But aside from that its okey we're getting over it ,you get to meet many friends.In my section we're 72 girls. but we have another section at the course so in total we're 120 girls.its was a bit hard to remember all the girls names but through time u get over it(err..somehow..=P).the girls at my section are really cool,we've been together through the gud and the bad times.and whenever we're down ,we know we're not alone.Anyways the reason i had time to blog now it's bcoz this month is an intense month ,too many jewish holidays (yey for us coz we get released home).til around next week ,if we dnt have duty to stay at the base that's it.

October is not just intense holidays,but intense birhdays too=D dnt knw about you guys but my agenda is full of birthdays..!

Till next update  im off to sleep.Have a pleasant week fellows!!

I wanted to update a week before i left to the army.but i had zero tym in my hands for update therefore it's a late update.

review from last week plans: